America’s biggest corporations have an announcement: they feel your pain, and they are ready to become better citizens.

This week the Business Roundtable — whose greatest hits include NAFTA, killing major antitrust and consumer protection bills, broadening Reagan’s corporate tax cuts, and making it easier for companies to fire workers trying to form a union — announced that it is “modernizing its principles on the role of a corporation” to value all stakeholders, not just shareholders.

As a result, 181 CEOs of some of the world’s largest weapons manufacturers, banks, oil companies, pharmaceutical companies, manufacturers, and retailers have pledged to do their part to restore faith in meritocracy and make the American Dream a reality.

The business group promises that in addition to “generating long-term value for shareholders,” its members will also invest in their employees, “compensating them fairly and providing important benefits” through new training and education programs. Workers can look forward to an environment that fosters “diversity and inclusion, dignity and respect.”

The Roundtable also pledges to “[support] the communities in which we work.” From here on out, America’s corporate behemoths vow to “respect the people in our communities and protect the environment by embracing sustainable practices across our businesses.” […]